Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Almost 30 and Single

It is just a few days before my next birthday and after a few years I would be touching the tepid thirties. And even though it doesn't bother me much the people around me are running around woefully wasting their angst for me, especially my relatives and well wishers (Oh well! For me Well Wishers are the people who make a wish against you and push you into a well!) Don't you think they must learn to draw their line and too much of the clutter they create in our lives is unneeded.

If Marriage ever has to happen it will, trust me I haven't lost hope. I don't understand why are the people I meet in so much of quivering concern for me.? Isn't it my life and isn't the decision mine, when to and when not to?

With the destination thirty just a few years away, here are a few important lessons I learned, which would help me in my thirties and beyond!

1) Your life is your own. After all you aren't a celebrity and the well wishers running after you, have no business to poke into your matters like the petrifying paparazzi. Learn to draw the line. This reminds me of how, when I was a kid my mom used special chalk pencils to keep away cockroaches and lizards by drawing boundaries on the walls. They never crossed those lines and vanished after a while.
This might as well work for the people who express too much of superficial sympathy for you. They will abscond after a while, old acquaintances, uncles, aunties, cousins and other elders who are not trying to understand what you have to tell them. Your life should never become a "come one come all" thoroughfare. Once you allow them in, they would be there to spew agony and not advise.

2) Clinging to people who do not need you is like applying a face cream that is causing eruptions on your face everyday but because of its cost you are unwilling to throw it away. Just let it go. It is a tough lesson to learn, but it isn't impossible. No relationship is as precious as you or your self esteem.

3) Kindly select your female friends very carefully. Do not go for the misogynistic ones with a "I know it all, I am the eternal Indian woman attitude". They won't be there to help you on a rainy day, instead go for women of your kinds. By that I mean people who can understand you without forcing their beliefs on you.

4) At times it is important to give others, their much needed space. Respect others privacy the way they respect yours. Learn to be on your own at times. There are many inane issues you can solve on your own, do not always rely on friends. Even friends have their lives.

5) Choose your male friends very carefully. Maintain a distance from each one of them.Try understanding their suspicious agendas. Not everyone had the kind of upbringing your brother was given. So be very careful. If you find a good one, keep him as a friend or more.

6) Your successes and failures are your own. Do not blame others for a downfall or credit someone for your success. The foundation of your achievements were laid on your bones and blood, and yes at the same time it is important to work smartly and not be hardly working. If you're ever branded as a failure, do not bother about the people speaking at your back. You won't stay one, the day you would rise out of your ashes.

7) Respect your career plans as much as you respect the idea of falling in love with someone and getting married. Both are equally important, neither is worthy without the other.

8) This is something I am still working on. Learn to keep your anger in check.! Do not let it burn the house you built for yourself. Anger management lessons or indulging in recreational activities can motivate you to control your temper. Sometimes too much work and no play can make you so. Learn to balance work and hobbies. And prioritize your rights and duties.

Always remember it is not about the right age but the right guy! Happy staying single till the bells don't ring in love for you.


Thisisme said...

Great! I have come to your blog today only from women's web and its a great blog...
I esp identify with this post a lot..Since age of 25 yrs, ppl have been trying hard to fix me up with any1 and every1..I also initially relented to it n then i met a series of nutcases and somehow a relationship dint jst happen for me. I am 33 now and now ppl around me are very worried for me as I am past my sell-by date and now they tell me to compromise and adjust ...which translates into divorcees or widowers,..i have nothing against any1 but my only point is let me make my own decisions/choice. There is a guy's family asking for all my money I have earned and will earn in future as dowry / 'gift' and still ppl want me to go for it jst coz i m 33 now and shouldnot remain unmarried anymore! Only i know how i m surviving all this and at the sametime I am happy with my life overall...when i say this..ppl revert back ki how can u b happy since ur unmarried! I really dont knw what to tell these ppl !and if u think only less educated think like this..then ur mistaken..i am asked such questions by ppl who have had their education in great universities and are exposed to all the great cultures of the world!


Education cannot manage to give wisdom to an Indian.! Patriarchy is ingrained in our minds.! Our blinders can never be off us.! Never.!

rachana gupta said...

Well, i too have faced these.Where i was asked to be a educated professional who is ok to leave her job etc..move countries.I stuck to my career plan and what i wanted in life.