This evening while logging onto Women's Web and reading this article my brain went up for a toss and with rage as ferocious as that of a demented dog that should bite them and give them some sense about the modesty of a woman I decided to this post. A post analyzing rape fantasies and responses to rape was on display and that too on a site meant for women readers. And it was coming from a man I have in all honest inclinations respected and revered, one who openly talks of the societal stigma the Indian women faces.
What was the post based on?
A research on a small population of people somewhere in some part of the Americas or the British land that just couldn't portray the mulling and mindsets of the common Indian women. Again, my respect for the man might or might not remain the same but here I would like to throw light on a very important fact concerning the battle of sexes,
"Men trying to be mouth pieces for feminism and women can never do justice to the act, because at the end of the day feminism is not aiming to make men feel comfortable while also eliminating sexism. It’s aiming to eliminate sexism. You will probably be made uncomfortable by some things feminists say, because they’re horrifying. That one in four women is raped is awful, and that men are doing virtually all of that raping is proof of a systemic problem in our culture. That you personally have not raped anyone is nice, but beside the point. It’s okay to feel uncomfortable about the problems our sexist culture creates for women. Women feel considerably more uncomfortable about it because it hurts them. Accept that feeling and move on, and hopefully be comforted by the fact that if sexism is completely eliminated, nobody will have to feel uncomfortable about male privilege or rape or discrimination."
So while a twenty or thirty something woman, a six year old child or a six month old baby and even a sixty year old woman are getting slandered in the nook and corner of the shameless streets of India, there are men like these who are trying to hold their neck high and justify something as heinous as rape with a fantasy or a gratification of raw masculine power. The guy in the third paragraph has theorized his thoughts about a raped woman, by in the first instance objectifying a woman and going on to say that when he sees a woman as a thing, he justifies rape while the same woman doesn't answer his confusions about the ghastly giving when he sees her as a person. Also with examination to his inner conscience he goes on to say that that if a woman is angry or afraid he might perhaps not rape her.
For once I wished to ask is every women who is fuming or fearful spared of the immoral molestation of her dignity.? Does that really happen.? Once a woman is clutched into the claws of a rapist, she is surely not going to escape unhurt. But then, don't know if the typical Indian male psyche can understand that? That is because, not a man but a woman is being raped on the streets of India every 22 minutes!
While he has in the later stages of the blog post, tried to thrust a chauvinistic Indian male egotism by presenting the results of his discussions with friends, where a majority of the women went on to say that they will have their arm cut off rather than getting raped. So like an antagonistic Indian man he thinks most women he knows or might be knowing or those who exist in this world, might be happier if they are outraged of their modesty rather than being killed or amputated!
Isn't being raped in equality to being killed.! Don't most rape victims contemplate suicide before going through the physical, social and psychological trauma of a rape? And by the way who is he to speak for the woman folk of the world.? Did he or any of his closest female friends or family members ever got dishonored the way it happens with women all around the world and especially in India (with 873 percent rise in rape cases between 1953 to 2011 and one rape happening every 22 minutes), under a knife or gun point or when four men are holding her, two clutching her hands and the other two her legs, while she can't move an inch to kick the bastard hard at where it will hurt him the most.
This guy has then psychologically tried to be assertive of the act by calling "the social and moral outrage that happens after a rape" as one arising out of envy and jealousy against the rapist who happened to have his one moment of perverted pleasure by not going through the long laborious channel of courtship or marriage.
So while he affirms the violation and violator in this case, he is unable to understand why doesn't the same kind of "Hang the criminal" rallies happens in cases of other crimes like killing or other acts of physical violence.
While the first gentleman with whom I started this post has this bizarre report in Psychology Today for our observation, that says that, from 1973 through 2008, nine surveys of women’s rape fantasies show that about four in 10 women admit having them (31 to 57 percent), and that the actual prevalence of rape fantasies is probably higher because women may not feel comfortable admitting them.
Putting every woman in the same shoe isn’t fair. This is just a research and one must know that a research is a sample population and not the entirety of population.! I don’t theorize with the studies in the research. As a researcher, perhaps I would like to shun the report evenhandedly. A study that happened in some part of the the western mainland like the USA or the U.K can’t be used to justify an Indian woman’s fantasies. While I don’t deny women in India not having them, but then it is misleading this great nation called India that is already going nowhere and is perhaps heading to a hell hole with posts like these that are separated by a thin line of provocating rape and supporting a rape fantasy research.
For the first of its kind of advice, I would like to give to such men is that, hoping such a grisly act of abuse doesn't happen with any of the female members in their family, for this thing called Rape is, not just constrained to a twenty something chick but can happen with just about anyone, a six month old baby to a sixty year old woman and can scar a woman for the rest of her life. What sort of sexual and powerful gratification do men achieve when such a drudgery is given a curtain call with a baby or a weak old woman? Do they ever manage to rise from their ashes and stand up to a society not structured for women?
Rape is a personal crime with the "person" in the context being affected. It affects the victim, her husband or boyfriend, her siblings, her children, her parents and in-laws (if she has any.!) and will have an impairing impact on her future relationships and interactions. It will wreck her day-to-day life, her sleeping and eating habits, her stress retention ability, her success in her professional life, and her means and methods of trusting people in the future.
While this guy has tried to condemn rape as an act equivalent to that of being bitten by a rabid dog, I don't know what sort of a crazy comparison that was, he has forgotten that in this case the diseased dog might be killed and eliminated for the sake of the public, while most rape crimes either go unreported or the assaulter gets an "easy jail term of seven years" as per the present rape laws and is freed. This seven year jail term doesn't in any way instill any kind of fear in him and he might or not might not repeat that kind of an abusive act again. For in the past we have seen sexual offenders with a history coming into the spotlight through the media.
So in what way can being bitten by a rabid dog and being raped drawn to comparisons?
The chauvinistic Indian man.! Hats off to your illogical insanity, while also clarifying the Indian attitude of "This shit happens" or the "Chalta hai crap" that is only adding fuel to this fire.
The men whose closest family members go through rape will never undergo jealousy, infact their first hand emotion would be to kill the sadist who tried to savage through the woman's modesty and her rights as a human. Most of the justifications given as to what rape should be or is, can be from the perspective of a psychologically pervert Indian man and is nothing intellectual but illogical and idiotic.
For the second gentleman, who might in some way has been trying to say that rape fantasies happen to women and these should in some way selectively support the rapist's physchology at the time he commits the crime is another chauvinist trying to act like a thinker.
While he also goes on to say that,
Sudhir Kakar and Katharina Kakar, in their brilliant book The Indians- Portrait of a People (Viking/Penguin, 2007) talk of the ‘possession fantasy’. They say,
“Without imagined violence…many men fail to be gripped by powerful sexual excitement. Aggressiveness towards the woman is as much a factor in their potency as their love feelings. One of their major fantasies is of taking by force that which is not easily given.”
The authors go on to say that a variant of this ‘possession fantasy’ is found in classical Sanskrit love poetry,
”where the woman trembles in a state of diffuse bodily excitement as if timorously anticipating a sadistic attack, her terror a source of excitement for both herself and her would-be assailant.”
This is glorious crap of the highest order. I won't even want to barf on such kind of love poetry.
It's only in India, and in patriarchal countries like ours, that after a rape, people have the audacity to do blog posts like these, objectifying women in subjection as mere bodies that deserve to be possessed and plundered. It's high time women start a counter attack to such demeaning pieces that can rationalize a rape or molestation with a psychological study of fantasies and reality to reason inclemency and wronging of a human's rights, of both the victim and her family. A woman is more than just a body. She is a human like those with a XY chromosome combination and one with a soul.
So no matter how equivocal and sportively feminist a man is, at the end of the day, a woman is a female body to him.People as educated as these guys and their stupid justifications just prove that.
And men should in all respectful dignity stop speaking for the woman, until and unless they are very sure of what they are aiming to convey.