Sunday, February 24, 2013

8th January

I did not hit the sack the night before that auspicious January afternoon when I was about to meet him. I counted a thousand sheep separating the black ones from the white and making them stand in separate lines, like it goes in school assembly, with a feeble hope of retiring to bed. I was worried about what I should wear and if it would be cheerlessly cold in Delhi when we meet. Those thoughts had hijacked my mind to rob me of sleep. The only hope was to spend the night staring at the yellow street lamp that always had an eye for my bedroom.

8th January was the date marked in my calendar for our rendezvous. A fortnight before, he informed without the subtle signs of euphoria that he would spend only half an hour with me, and then head to Gurgaon for his official meeting. I had to pick the broken pieces of my heart and nod in approval. I wanted him to stay longer   for us to converse. A four year old conversation was waiting to break free. Reconciling to his dictatorial declarations, I waited for the dawn to break.

While fiddling with the phone in the morning, I saw a message waiting for me in the message box of facebook!
It said that if I would reach by 2.30 pm I would get to sit with him for thirty minutes. I wonder if those words deserved to be replayed like an old noisy record. Arrrgh! I didn't know if this platonic complication should ever be called love in a future I had not seen.

I reached the International airport by 2.00 pm. The cab driver had a million questions for me, and his queries were fed with lies. I couldn't have narrated to him, my non-existent love story. After paying his fare, I hurriedly boarded the escalator. Since I couldn't show the security authorities my photo identity card, my entry into the visitor's lounge got barred. Until I rigged into my bag and saw my folder of certificates, which saved my face in that moment of disaster.  I went to the washroom to check myself out in the mirror for the faintest of fine lines and waves in my tresses had to be fixed. Later, I walked up to lounge and seated myself on one of the white seats fixed to the floor. Those butterflies in my stomach were multiplying from tens to thousands, while I kept dillydallying around the lounge. I still kept checking myself out on the masonry laid under my feet, and alternatively went to read the destination board. Then I paced to the large door out of which passengers could be seen going in and out, trying to make sure that he had not arrived yet. Meanwhile to do away with my fragile fears, I was reading prayers from my phone's folder.

While awaiting his arrival, I saw a lot of tormented souls harrying to see a glimpse of the people they had come to receive, some even exposing placards with names written on them. Meanwhile, a man came out dressed in a brown sweater and cap and shoes that were as old as him. Oh no! It couldn't have been him! Such a dumb looking fellow, even though he looked a lot like him, and if not for the guy going away in the other direction which proved to be a blessing, I would have surely gone up to him to greet him with a colgate smile. The other night I had used an abundant amount of toothpaste and mouthwash to get sparkling white teeth. A smile was the only jewel I was wearing for this date. Yellow gold will be hated to its last bit of existence and junk jewellery wouldn't have complimented the black cardigan I was donning.

He arrived a little later, looking sagged and sleepy and complaining about a fellow passenger who didn't let him slip into his afternoon siesta. He was as tall as me and my heart bled, for I liked tall guys and  I had expected him to stand taller than me. I shied like a newly wedded bride and he wasn't looking at me either, nullified by nervousness. How would two skeptical souls stammering in speech ever write a love story? I wondered!

Monday, February 11, 2013

2.25 AM, Monday, 10th February 2013

The engine of a car
nauseates to
swallow the hoot of a horning truck
a gatekeeper drugged by sleep
watches over a dozen cars
parked in porches
numbered from 517 to 625
whistling to thump
the bamboo cane
as tall as him,
snores ascend and descend
like the notes of music
designed to disturb
the hushed whispers
of a twenty something
lost in a midnight chit-chat
oblivious of the ears
the room has grown
since it mistress learned to
memorize tales about women
who burn bras and break homes.

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Of Virtual And Real Identities

Facebook has lately become like a lice,  that crawls over the head. It itches, scratches the skin on the surface of a world we carry inside us. Status updates are confessions we make to a hundred or more mediators. The more, the merrier. Depression is a catapult that is set free as the burden we carry through such a communion of secrets escaped into the blue. The syllables are a war of words when it gets typed into the box that asks me with a pause “What’s happening Rinzu?”

It is a bourgeois concept to fill that empty space every day when I log into my facebook account but often I’ve felt that rants and especially those against the destructive demurrals of the society make a way into that white space often. And many times it talks of the boredom I encounter, but not for long. Once the wall appears in front of me I am treated to a Pandora’s box that I feel opened the world’s woes in front of me.

Monday, February 4, 2013


The leaves rustle
clapping in joy
like the school children
in blue, hopping back home.

The air is cool,carelessly pinching
my skin not covered by
a claustrophobic cardigan
life moves on
as I see buses and cars
disappearing with the wink of an eye.