It was a red-letter year for me. Perhaps the beginning in itself was so momentous that no other firework could have made it more illustrious. One more candle added to that cake and more learning lessons I have to add to this post. Don't know if anyone will bother to take a read, anyone other than me or will this just be another diary entry. After all, even my blog has a new name, for this space now just seems like a diary to me. The pages of which I often flip in times of boredom or on one of those burdensome days when all I want is to close my eyes and melt into the morning mist. Ah! Life! Being a woman is a serious business! One of the most important lessons that came back to me this year.
1) This year, I gave all those nosey aunties and uncles a cold shoulder. Didn't really bother to visit their kid's marriages nor did I brawl with them over that perennial question. I go to a catholic church now where no one knows me and I am only getting to befriending kind people who don't chit chat after a Sunday mass. How that otherwise grumpy me has learned to smile again after a mass. Bliss I say!
2) I again successfully shrugged all those careless acts of charity directed towards me. Those that were aimed at getting me an NRI groom, (I would add here,a non-reliable groom). Mom talks to me we still share secrets too, but many other times we are at loggerheads. Don't know who is the culprit? Although always will be thankful to her for not forcing me for any PKC's (Penn kanal chadang or ladki dekhna) and most importantly for not thrusting me with any groom pictures. I love her for that and much more! Until death!
3) Meeting J in January was the most pleasing experiences of this year. His Christmas calling came as a surprise when I had given up hopes of meeting this gentleman ever . An otherwise sheepish guy, gave me a blot from the blue, when he got to those candid conversations with me, everything from books to movies to his unending struggle to stay single. He even noticed that I have oily skin! A thunderbolt I say! While I kept hinting to him to stay friends and be guests at each other's weddings. Although I wonder whether I will ever get wedded in this lifetime?
4) I still haven't grown that extra backbone to date a guy. I still can't seem to come to terms with the fact that men live and die to have sex and you as a woman might just be another female human form for these men. The many who ever proposed wanted to leapfrog on the bed or wanted me to hop into a maternity ward after a few years into the marriage! I didn't want to please either of these two breeds of men! Why jump into a well and drown? I am waiting for Mr. Perfect to walk in, although I wonder until when? And don't know if J is that one guy, I have given up hopes of ever meeting (although I did meet him on a cold winter January afternoon this year!) Will he ever reappear as that guy, I had in my weirdest of imagination sent to Mars to manage the internet system there. Maybe the martians will think of sending him back to earth one day, for not living up to his duty. And we might get married!
I don't want to miss these best days of my youth without a beau, but they just seem to be slipping away like the sand from a closed fist.
5) I have given up on the boring pieces of clothing I had. More of pastels and bright colors have made a heroic entry into my wardrobe. Also dresses and tops with peculiar symmetry. What am I trying to achieve at this age I wonder? Trying to look trendy can be the first step to looking younger with ageing fast catching up. And while chopping off my locks this May, not even once did I bat my eyelids.
6) Anger seems to be wasting away with the passing age. I really do not yell at people nowadays, maybe walking away is the one golden rule I have memorized. Don't seem to have the grit to have confronting conversations anymore, even on feminism. No discussions, no talks, just the end of the matter is the rule! More of a loner I am becoming in this process. And again, I have no control over this!
Life seems to be changing colors like the evening sky. This eventful year saw many ups and downs, many I could have avoided, many I wanted to take up and many just came like uninvited guests. But yes, before this twenty first May decided to do a Masters in Gender Studies someday, as and when the opportunity walks up to me. This decision was made in finality this year, an important one!
Until then counting down to another year and more adventures! Until next year!