Thursday, January 2, 2014

1 st January 2014

It is a superstitious belief that whatever we do on the first day of the year is how the year would unfold for us. I began the year scrawling aimlessly on the blogger android application, to check the credulity of this superstition. The year that went by bled sorrow from its wounds. My relationship with many people I madly love changed like the seasons. Some moments of the last year were like a punch on the face or that kick in the gut that aimed at melting my emotional endurance. That way 2013 was every bit an year that glorified the notions associated with it.  This could be disregarded as a post glorifying superstitious beliefs or could move the needle to make you a believer.
The call is yours.

On New Year's eve we had an evening mass at the church. I couldn't make it to the midnight mass at the Sacred Heart cathedral and to be in attendance for this one made up for my sin. But it is impossible to think of being on the streets of a city like Delhi and that too on the notoriously infamous night of the New Year's eve thus the English mass at Sacred Heart was given a miss. With not much ado about the malayalam mass I was going for, I made peace with the perilous reality.
After the mass we happened to exchange greetings with each other when a young girl I know through the youth movement, popped the perrenial question to me. She wasn't even an acquaintance then why did that reality of my life intrigue her so much, I wonder.I fumbled for an answer while she made sure that she would dig out an explanation from me with the wringer of that question. I was saddened to know that we are still raising a generation of daughters who are wives in waiting and mothers in making. My sympathy to the parents who haven't done a good job.
Although most such people can't tamper with my patience anymore, this was one of a surprise I would always remember. For the audacity with which she tried to drill me.
We came back home and dived under the weight of the wool obligated to keep us warm. Since I am not a party person I have never thought of stepping out for new year celebrations and most New Year's eve means a quiet night all by myself. While mom and dad after exchanging greetings with their siblings hit the sack, I for the starters decided to put to words mom's experiences of shopping at the mall after a long, long time. She strongly detests it and no wonder she isn't wrong to be doing that. I thought of starting the year by squiggling whatever was coming to my mind, to put to test the belief I am aiming to talk of. 
As the year unfolds I will get to know if I can stand a testimony for it. I was tightening the screws so much that I also doodled an abstract poem and then made tea for myself. Tea is my favourite companion on sleepless boring nights. Meanwhile I thank my stars for turning on the television which by this time was fast asleep. While fidgeting with the remote I happened to discover that a movie channel was airing the Ranbir Kapoor starrer Wake Up Sid. It is a movie that has kept me on the hook everytime I decide to watch it. And without second thoughts snuggling in the comfort of my blanket I saw the movie for the tenth time. 
Simple love stories like these can bring tears of joy into your eyes no matter how stone hearted you pretend to be. What astonished me the most was despite having seen the movie nine times before today, I couldn't notice myself breathing in the female protagonist Ayesha. We both day dream of a writing career, in my case it is of course scientific writing or science journalism as they popularly call it. We both want to be independent and free, to enjoy life on our own terms. We both aspire to be with a guy who is driven by goals and is stylishly sophisticated. Much like her who propels herself to like her boss, the jazz lover, I too was looking for a guy with all the worldly wisdom in his head. Many guys of that kind came and left,and I saw their masks peeling off their faces. Fact was uglier than fiction when reality hit like a rude slap.
Will I be able to enjoy a cup of tea by the roadside tea stall or read a poem to him on a lazy afternoon or stroll around the streets on a starry night with no care of the world with such a guy?
And after giving up on the moral mentors of the society I for sure know that such a guy is not for keeps. 
The movie has a 'happily ever after' ending when the twenty one year old guy professes his love for the twenty seven year old girl after reading her confession for him in a magazine. Nothing makes sense here, atleast not in a way Indians see their relationships.
Love should be uncomplicated as they have shown in the movie. A poem that you can hum along. A conversation without calculations. A journey with no vain vanity to pilifer the vision. That one vision of growing older with each other.

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